


Secret

by Griddlebone



Category: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Female Character, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Pre-Femslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 13:33:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9237305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Griddlebone/pseuds/Griddlebone
Summary: Trini Kwan has a secret.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AceQueenKing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceQueenKing/gifts).



Trini Kwan has a secret. It sticks in her throat sometimes, as if to choke her, but mostly it rests like a dull ache in her chest, yearning to spill past her lips and turn her life upside down. It is only her fear that keeps the secret locked away inside, where no one else can ever know it is there at all.

When she is alone, when no one is there to judge or to sneer (or worse, to look at her with pity in their eyes), only then does she let the truth come simmering to the surface, warming her skin and making her grin: she is in love.

She is in love, and no one can know.

She is in love with a girl. Even worse, she is in love with a girl that is dating a boy. A girl that is not just 'taken', a girl that is also her best friend. A girl that is open-hearted and beautiful and talented and popular, and a thousand other amazing things, all of which make her utterly unattainable, forever and always.

That doesn't make her want it any less. Knowing it can never happen only makes her want it more.

She cannot imagine a brighter future than one with Kimberly by her side. And it's getting harder and harder to keep from trying to make that future a reality. In her imagination, fear doesn't hold a candle to the boundless possibilities that love promises.

But in reality, she has heard the taunts at school, the way the word _gay_ is tossed around as an insult, ignorant and unthinking. If she comes clean, if she admits how she feels, then that word will apply to her. If by some miracle, Kimberly shares her feelings, it will apply to the both of them. Not only will it mean the end of Kimberly's relationship with her boyfriend, it will forever mark the two of them as outcasts. It could put them both in very real danger, on top of the dangers they already face every day as rangers.

She can't bear to bring that upon them, and so she stays silent even when she has to bite her tongue to do it.


	2. Chapter 2

This is not how she ever imagined this conversation going. Not least of all because of who she is having the conversation with. But if there is pity in Zordon's eyes as he listens to her tale of woe, she cannot see it.

"I don't know what to do," she concludes. As if she would be here, spilling her guts out to a ten-thousand-year-old alien if she knew what to do. She shifts her gaze to the ground.

"Matters of the heart are never easy, Trini," Zordon tells her. "There is always a great deal of risk involved. And in this case, there is more than the usual amount of risk."

She nods; she knew that, but somehow it feels better to hear it from someone else. It makes her feel like maybe she's on the right track, after all, no matter how painful it is. "I don't know how much you know about human culture here on Earth," she murmurs, "but they aren't exactly thrilled by the idea of a girl loving another girl. Or a boy loving a boy."

Zordon is quiet a while. "That is… unfortunate," he decides.

That he says it so bluntly, that it should be so perfectly clear to him and so perfectly unclear to so many of the people back home makes her want to laugh. "Yes," she agrees. "But I can't change it. And I can't be the one to break Kim and Tommy up, no matter how much I want… not when it's what Kim wants…"

Now that she has let the secret out, it stabs like a knife in her heart. Tears prick at her eyes. She fights against the flow and fails, finally feels the frustration begin to ebb away as the tears slide down her face.  She has wanted this for so long, and she will never ever have it. Instead, she will go home and smile and support Kimberly, and be the best _friend_ she can be – and it hurts so much to know it will never be more, never be what she wants.

Zordon lets her cry herself out, and when she is ready to go home and face the world again he tells her, "Your secret is safe with me."


	3. Chapter 3

Jason is frowning at he looks at the bundle of paper in his hand: the nearly complete application to attend the teen peace summit that's going to be held in Switzerland. He snatched it off her desk before she could stop him, and now he knows. She's been piling up secrets lately, and now one of them is out in the open and she can never hide it again.

"You're thinking about leaving the team?" he asks. He doesn't sound disbelieving so much as… relieved.

She treads carefully, watching his face to see his reaction. "It's a long-shot anyway. But… yes. I am." She forges ahead, reckless now. "This is a chance for me to do good in a totally different way, to change the world for the better without having to resort to violence."

It's as if he's realizing for the first time that maybe she isn't entirely happy with the way things are. For the first time she thinks that maybe he isn't happy with the way things are, either. Maybe she isn't as alone in her unhappiness as she's thought all this time.

Jason shoves the peace summit application into her hands and the next thing she knows he's digging in his backpack for something and draws out a rumpled bundle of papers. He won't look at her has he hands the papers over. With a shock she realizes that she isn't the only one that's applying for a chance to leave.

"Jason… you too?" she asks, even though she already knows.

"Yeah," he admits. He looks so self-conscious, as if he's still not sure she'll understand. "It's getting hard to deal with this every day."

She nods and offers what she hopes is an understanding smile, and wonders if he's talking about the never ending battles against alien monsters and the way they constantly have to lie to friends and family… or if, like her, there's something else that's getting to be too hard to bear. She has not missed the way he looks at Tommy Oliver. She's seen them together, watched them and wondered…

Either way, she decides, it's a relief to know she isn't as alone as she thought. And for now, that's enough.


	4. Chapter 4

It hurt at first, leaving behind everything she had ever known and everyone she had ever loved. Everyone except Jason and Zack.

But now she can look back on it and know that she did exactly what she needed to do, the only thing she could have done. Getting away from it all, putting some serious distance between them, had been the only way she could distance herself from the feelings enough to deal with them.

She'd moved on with her life. She'd found peace within herself and with her life. Things were looking up.

And now she realizes that all it's going to take is this one phone call to bring it all surging back: all the longing, all the pain, all the secrecy… all the love.

"I didn't know who I could talk to about this," Kimberly tells her, her voice like the sound of angels singing. It's been years since they talked like this, but it feels like just yesterday. "And then… I knew it had to be you. You've never judged me. You always supported me and encouraged me to follow my heart. And I know it's been ages since we talked, but…"

"I'll always be here for you," Trini promises. "No matter what. You know that."

She can practically hear Kimberly smile. "I love you, Trini. You know that, right?"

Trini's heart nearly stops, but of course Kimberly doesn't mean it like _that._ "You're the best friend a girl could ever have," she continues, pausing as if she is biting her lip uncertainly. "I just hope that what I need to tell you doesn't change anything."

"Nothing could change how I feel about you." She lets it hang there, like that, refuses to diminish her feelings by insisting that they are (only) best friends and always will be.

Kimberly takes a deep breath. "Okay. Well, I told you I broke up with Tommy, right? Well, I told him there was someone else. And there is."

"So what happened to make this such a big deal?" Trini asks, not quite understanding why this is so difficult for Kimberly to tell her.

Kimberly's voice is painfully quiet. "The 'someone else' I told Tommy and the others about… is actually one of the girls here, one of the gymnasts training with me."

Trini cannot seem to say anything, has been swept away by this revelation.

"Does it make me a freak," Kimberly asks, her voice barely more than a whisper, "if I like boys _and_ girls?"

"Of course not," Trini says finally. Her voice is firm as she says the words she has wanted someone to say to her for so long. "There's no way _loving someone_ could make you a freak. You're absolutely perfect exactly the way you are."

Kimberly is tearful as she says, "Thank you, Trini. I just knew you'd understand…"

Trini can't bring herself to confess just how well she understands, not when Kimberly is on the cusp of finding happiness… with someone else.


	5. Chapter 5

In her deepest heart, Trini can admit that it feels a little strange (a little giddy) to see Kimberly in person again after all these years. But when she mentioned needing a vacation and Kimberly invited her to Florida for a visit, how could she say no?

And now here she is, on Kimberly's turf, bursting with excitement and completely uncertain of what to do. When Kimberly pulls her into a fierce hug, the world absolutely brims with possibilities.

She knows it isn't like that, is all too aware of how unfriendly the world can be to people like her, like Kimberly. But when Kimberly murmurs, "I'm so glad to see you again," and "I've missed you so much," against her ear, everything is suddenly right with the world and all Trini wants to do is melt into her arms and never leave.

The secret she's held inside for so long sets her heart to racing, seems to set every nerve afire with eager anticipation. _I love you, Kimberly,_ she wants to say before leaning in to kiss those perfect lips _. I've loved you for so long…_

But she knows it's too soon. They've only just reunited. She needs to be patient, needs to wait and see – is there even a faint hope that Kimberly might return her feelings?

That Kimberly is a woman who loves women improves her chances, but there is always the chance that all she will ever be to Kimberly is a friend, nothing more. There is also only one way to find out. And for once, that excites her as much as it terrifies her.

She needs to be patient… but maybe only for a little while longer. And after all this time, and after finally finding herself in the arms of the woman she has loved for so long, even if this one embrace is all she will ever have, waiting a little while longer doesn't seem so hard.


End file.
